Relationships are often complicated in its own way. Whatever be the faith and the belief in the society we are in at the end of the day we all look for an endorsement for every relationship. This endorsement or the validation of the relationship makes it official.
Now, to me what an official relationship means was an understanding of the togetherness. Where we will know that we both are with each other. Yes, there is a subtle voice of commitment and to me, it was not about having multiple partners or anything in that line.
My relationship with A was as amazing as you can think of. She loved me and I loved her too. We fall in love with the mutual attraction for each other. The day I felt that I am in love with A, there was a fear inside me as I knew that she was in a relationship then. The relationship was of more than three years and I knew that I should not express my feeling for her. I avoided and she did it too but love is a certain feeling which you cannot avoid every time moreover when you see each other for more than 12 hours a day.
We were then doing a professional course in Delhi and the schedule was pretty hectic. The birthday night of A initiated the story. That was the only birthday of her we spent together. She was telling her stories to me, keeping her head on my shoulder and I the always listener was doing my job carefully. The conversation ends and we realized that the time has made us fall for each other. We kissed a hesitant kiss for sure.
Everything changed that night. I was 25 and she was 27. T expressed my feelings to her and she said she loved me but she cannot be with me as she has a boyfriend. I understood everything she said but the time was not in our favour. We started an unofficial relationship.
We were in the Capital. For the city and for us I was her kind of boyfriend and she was my girlfriend. Despite knowing every fact we were walking together. Our physical relationship started and it was good. We were madly in love with each other too. But, there was her relationship always between us.
She reminded me every time and stopped sometimes but as I said the time was not in our favour so we did not stop. EVery little thing a couple does, we did. We went on a trip together, we were living together, we made our breakfasts, lunch, and dinners together. It was a story of a togetherness indeed.
Her boyfriend was in our hometown Kolkata and they used to speak over the phone. With time the sweetness of the relationship was going as I was trying to get an endorsement of an official boyfriend. When she visited Kolkata and met her boyfriend they had several physical encounters which killed me inside. But she neither I stopped our relationship.
The un-officialness was making me desperate and weaker every day. I keep asking her to be with me and kept begging her to make me her official boyfriend. It was my first relationship. I had everything how I imagined but with a first person there. Being the second person of your love is dangerous.
I knew that it will not last for a long time. The desperation increased, the relationship became bitter and darker. We used the fight like hell, we used to cry like anything and we used to make love like there was no tomorrow.
The second time she visited her boyfriend and the same things happened. I could not control my emotions as I was much vulnerable then and expressed my anger. I wrote a message to her on watsapp. Where I wrote that despite my repeated requests when the physical encounter took place this clearly shows that the soul of the person I loved has died because the girl I loved, cannot hurt me like this. My language was not harsh but tough. I was hurt deeply. She called me back after three hours and said she has broken up with her boyfriend and took the decision to be with me.
She suddenly accepted me and broke up with her boyfriend. She said that she will try her best to love me as a boyfriend. We were together officially for three months and then she went back to him. Just after three weeks of our relationship she got a job in a nearby metro city and moved there. Our relationship became long distance. I have visited her twice and she did too. Every time, I used to find that yes we were together but she was a different person altogether. One day she said that she is unable to love me after many efforts and broke up with me. Now she has gone back to the same guy she was with earlier and we are not in touch. According to her status, the patch up is the “peace Trail” she was waiting for a long time.