You cried as you loved

When you are broken your hurt bleeds. Its ok, cry a bit. It is a cry for the lost freedom. With every heartbreak, you get back to you long lost freedom. Meeting your favorite one after a long time brings the tear and its okay. Look, listen to your heart and feel that you are broken because you care.

It was your world, you made it little by little but its dead now. You are not anymore the same which you were but you are what you should be. You cry, you feel the pain because there is a pain of break. Every pain is about you, you made it and you are crying it out. You should be proud of yourself and the love you have.


(A report from


My days of un-official relationship and the devasted end

4-Strategies-to-Communicate-Introvert-Relationship-Preferences_SOURCE_Pixabay1.jpgRelationships are often complicated in its own way. Whatever be the faith and the belief in the society we are in at the end of the day we all look for an endorsement for every relationship. This endorsement or the validation of the relationship makes it official.

Now, to me what an official relationship means was an understanding of the togetherness. Where we will know that we both are with each other. Yes, there is a subtle voice of commitment and to me, it was not about having multiple partners or anything in that line.

My relationship with A was as amazing as you can think of. She loved me and I loved her too. We fall in love with the mutual attraction for each other. The day I felt that I am in love with A, there was a fear inside me as I knew that she was in a relationship then. The relationship was of more than three years and I knew that I should not express my feeling for her. I avoided and she did it too but love is a certain feeling which you cannot avoid every time moreover when you see each other for more than 12 hours a day.

We were then doing a professional course in Delhi and the schedule was pretty hectic. The birthday night of A initiated the story. That was the only birthday of her we spent together. She was telling her stories to me, keeping her head on my shoulder and I the always listener was doing my job carefully. The conversation ends and we realized that the time has made us fall for each other. We kissed a hesitant kiss for sure.

Everything changed that night. I was 25 and she was 27. T expressed my feelings to her and she said she loved me but she cannot be with me as she has a boyfriend. I understood everything she said but the time was not in our favour. We started an unofficial relationship.

We were in the Capital. For the city and for us I was her kind of boyfriend and she was my girlfriend. Despite knowing every fact we were walking together. Our physical relationship started and it was good. We were madly in love with each other too. But, there was her relationship always between us.

She reminded me every time and stopped sometimes but as I said the time was not in our favour so we did not stop. EVery little thing a couple does, we did. We went on a trip together, we were living together, we made our breakfasts, lunch, and dinners together. It was a story of a togetherness indeed.

Her boyfriend was in our hometown Kolkata and they used to speak over the phone. With time the sweetness of the relationship was going as I was trying to get an endorsement of an official boyfriend. When she visited Kolkata and met her boyfriend they had several physical encounters which killed me inside. But she neither I stopped our relationship.

The un-officialness was making me desperate and weaker every day. I keep asking her to be with me and kept begging her to make me her official boyfriend. It was my first relationship. I had everything how I imagined but with a first person there. Being the second person of your love is dangerous.

I knew that it will not last for a long time. The desperation increased, the relationship became bitter and darker. We used the fight like hell, we used to cry like anything and we used to make love like there was no tomorrow.

The second time she visited her boyfriend and the same things happened. I could not control my emotions as I was much vulnerable then and expressed my anger. I wrote a message to her on watsapp. Where I wrote that despite my repeated requests when the physical encounter took place this clearly shows that the soul of the person I loved has died because the girl I loved, cannot hurt me like this. My language was not harsh but tough. I was hurt deeply. She called me back after three hours and said she has broken up with her boyfriend and took the decision to be with me.

She suddenly accepted me and broke up with her boyfriend. She said that she will try her best to love me as a boyfriend. We were together officially for three months and then she went back to him. Just after three weeks of our relationship she got a job in a nearby metro city and moved there. Our relationship became long distance. I have visited her twice and she did too. Every time, I used to find that yes we were together but she was a different person altogether. One day she said that she is unable to love me after many efforts and broke up with me. Now she has gone back to the same guy she was with earlier and we are not in touch. According to her status, the patch up is the “peace Trail” she was waiting for a long time.

The end is tough

You wake up each day and get loved.
You might never try to look back.
Because the end was tough for you too.
We held our hands but never understood,
we loved the time and time flies.
We could not.
I go back to the time where I left you.
I can not see us every time I go back,
as the end is tough.
It breaks.


(A repost from

The old smell of your hair


When I walk along our lanes,
I see the kababwalas are still holding
the same old smile.
I wonder how some old things stay as it is.
Unlike us.
I remember the last time we met,
at the airport.
We hugged for a while,
The smell of your hair never changed.
Some old things remain same,
the way I go back to your memories every night.

Your peace trail

I think the thoughts of you follow me everywhere.
I cried before leaving you but you did not.
I was more hurt then.
Now I know,
You knew that we will be together in our dreams.
I cannot forget you.
No, not for a moment.
I learned that we cannot hold back a person.
But live with memories.
You are on a peace trail after a long time.
But my peace was you.


Pages of my dark book-1





Her insatiate heart was starving for an unrestrained yearn of a touch. The man of her love is gentle and tender but those make her wheeze all the night. She waits for the past, the man when he touched her body the soul shivered. Her heart spangled for the irresistible dream of a boundless sea, to sail only her and him. Where is that man? He was hiding behind the stories of a rugged world, where lust merges with the notes of eternity.

Christmas: A day of memories




Merry Christmas, a word which brings a lot of memories to me. The memories of growing up. When I was a kid, I used to sleep at night with dreams of getting gifts from Santa. The favorite old man.

The morning of Christmas in Kolkata has always been fascinating to me. My parents used to take me to the St Paul’s Cathedral. The candles, the people, balloons, happy faces and colored winter clothes are all I can remember. Then, I used to visit the New Market of Kolkata, holding the hands of my parents. Nahum’s the year-old cake shop of New Market used to be crowded but we have always waited in the line to buy cakes. The smell of the cakes, the small to big far trees, the Christmas bells and balls used to be all over the market.

It is the story of my childhood. It is the story of a day which has always been my favorite. I still remember that in Kolkata, it was also the day of new film’s release. Most of the time it was Sandip Roy’s Feluda. We used to stand in the long queues of the ticket at the Priya cinema hall. We didn’t have the BookMyShow app back then. But trust me, waiting for a ticket is very interesting and then buying popcorn before watching the film was another attraction.

With time I have grown up. Many more memories of college days have added to this day. But this day has always been exciting. Now, when I stay in a city and spend this whole day alone in front of the computer due to work. It tells me that childhood should be missed. The excitement was different then.

Life has taken its own turn and I am working journalist now. Growing up takes many small things from life just like the fun of this day.