My flight landed at Delhi Airport in the early morning of a late December. After 25 years, I am in Delhi. I know, Delhi has changed in its own way. But this city always reminds me of J. A girl whom I met 25 years back in this city.
J and I spent three months together and we did a trip to Darjeeling. Then she chose her way and I walk on mine. No, J has not died. She is married to the man she always loved. I don’t exactly know where is she. But, I wish that she is doing well with her life. One night I took a decision that I will leave this city and J. I packed my bag, wrote a letter to my editor of the newspaper I was working for and left the city. I called up J in the morning while she was sleeping.
“Hello,” she replied in a sleepy voice.
“Hi, sorry to call you up in this time,” I said.
“It ok, tell me what happened?” she said.
“I am leaving Delhi. Leaving forever,” I said in a cold voice.
“You are not kidding. Are you?” she was surprised.
“ No”, I said.
“Why? What about your dream job as the deputy chief political correspondent?” she was anxious.
“I resigned, J. I don’t want to be in this city anymore. I have just an hour to reach airport. I am going to Bangalore and hope to find a job there.” I explained.
“Why are you doing this to me?” she was crying.
“Don’t cry J. Please take care of yourself. I am leaving the city not for you but for me. We will meet again someday, somewhere may be. But now I have to leave. Don’t tell me a good bye while crying,” I said.
“I love you. I really do,” she said.
“But you love him too and want to be with him. Please forget me and go back to him. When you go away, just keep a bit of me with you,” I said and cut the call.
Then it is 25 years. One morning I got a card and a letter from J in Bangalore.
Hope you are doing well in Bangalore with your new job. Though you write in Bangalore but I always read your stories and those are absolutely great as usual. You know that I love your reporting style.
S, you wanted me to be with him. The day you left Delhi, I realized that this city was never mine. From the first day in this city you have been with me. I have known the city, holding your hand. Every corner of the city had your presence. I continued my job for about six months more there. Then I shifted to Kolkata. The office missed you from the day you left. I missed you more.
But, after coming back to Kolkata, everything was under the control of my family. They always wanted me to get married to him and I wanted too. We again started everything from the scratch. I knew that I love him like anything. So it was not difficult.
We again started going out together, sharing every thing. Then after two years, I have decided to get married to him. I know it is difficult for you to come to my wedding. I will not force you to come.
S, you know something? Yes there is everything between me and him. But I know there is something missing inside me. That is you.
I know S, and I have told you when we were together that nobody can love me the way you did. I miss you every time.
But as you said to go back to him, I went back. Yes of course I wanted it.I hurt you badly and I know that. But before a month my wedding I still want to tell you that I love you.
I know you will never come back to my life because you don’t want to break my life. But wherever you are and who ever with, please take care.